Short Story: Time
Storms were beginning to roll through the countryside as Anne solemnly sat by the window. Sorrow filled her soul with such a morose emotion. It enveloped her whole being as she quietly looked out the window. The feeling of the cool damp windowpane against her forehead was comforting. Anne’s thoughts had a resolve all their own, much as she tried to keep him from her mind, her traitorous thoughts kept bringing him back to where she would rather feel the numbness. 'Why?' She wondered. ‘A person should have control over such things like their own mind, but to think about him caused so much unbearable pain. I longed for him to be here beside me, home again. But alas, the new world called to him, and he answered her.’
Nights were the hardest for her. Anne could go through the tedious times of the day with a perfect front of being in control of the servants, the large manor she lived in and business affairs that needed to be dealt with. It was the dreaded night that she helplessly yielded to her sad solitude; for there were no distractions, no blessed problems to solve, no obstacle to occupy her thoughts. The silent torture was much worse in the quiet of the night.
Anne waited, unable to drown herself in sleep and the sweet dreams she used to have about him. The pain was almost unbearable as she waited for his return. Waiting was the worst of all human afflictions. She would whole heartily have taken on a difficult task as opposed to the waiting game. Anne wondered if he felt the same.
When would he return to her? Ever? ‘If this were reversed, would he also wait for me? Am I the only one who felt this helpless without the other? Maybe he would feel different in my place? I would hope not, but how do you find out that information? It was unfair for me to even think thoughts like that. I couldn’t know his mind any more than he could know mine. Maybe this was my own hell that God had decided to thrust upon me for the sake of learning patience. What horrible sin had I done in the past to cause such a lesson to be brought onto myself? Surely God had not looked down on me with such discontent to decide such fate for us.’
Anne would wait for him, because that was all she could do. ‘Someday’, she told herself, ‘I will feel him near me again. To feel his warmth, his touch, his love again he was my heart and my soul.’ She could still see his face in her memory and the sadness in his eyes as he said “Good bye” that last time. ‘I only pray that it was not for the last time. Fate could not be so cruel to take him from my side so soon, why would fate be so unfair? A few moments together were not enough and surely this was not the end of our story.’ Her heart felt so beaten and so battered and all she had was the memories to comfort her.
‘Please’, she prayed, 'if one of us was to die…please, let it be I. I cannot go on if he was not somewhere in this world. Please God, would you be merciful and take me first. He was my life and without him, I am nothing.’ Anne hoped that somehow her pleading would ensure his safe passage back to her side.
Emptiness enveloped her again as she looked out the cold window into the dark clouds and watched the faint flashing lights as they rolled through each grey cloud. Hearing the soft deep rumble of thunder, Anne shut her mind to any more thought and reveled in the soft vibrations that could be felt from the storm as it invaded the quietness of the night. She loved it when storms rolled through the countryside. When it stormed she could concentrate on something other than her empty life.
There were times when she would wonder to herself, ‘was it all just a figment of my imagination? Did he really exist? Maybe I was delirious and he never was a part of my life before. Maybe he was a dream that I couldn’t get out of my head?’
Anne chuckled inwardly at the thought of him being a dream. He was real; she had proof of that growing inside her. With every little flutter and kick, there was the blessed reminder that he was real. She knew her conscience was just trying to make excuses or justify this lonely state that she now found herself in. Anne needed him though. She needed him here with her just as much as she needed the air to breath. ‘Why? Why did he have to leave?’ She already knew the answer to that question though. It was his duty to go. But now it was her loneliness that didn’t see the reason so clearly. Her mind knew he did what must be done, but her heart cried out in sadness.
The tenants on their land depended upon them, and they were all struggling with the war going on just around the bend and the crops that failed this year. People talked of the new world and its opportunities. The temptation of this promising place was too much for him to fight. “I must go” he said, “I must see this new land for myself”. The new world was like a mistress beckoning him with her promise of riches, seducing him in a way that Anne could not compete. To Anne, this new world seemed more like a tempting demon weaving her spell over unsuspecting people with her promise of fortune. But Anne knew not of one single person that had lain in her bed and come back better from the transgression of going to her.
‘How could I just let him walk away? As soon as he was barely gone from sight, I was wishing him back to my side.’ Why did everyone else’s needs come before hers? Wasn’t she the most important person in his life? Anne knew their lot was not one to have the luxury of being able to put their personal lives ahead of the people who depended on them. ‘Why did being born into an affluent family automatically mean that you must put those less fortunate…NO, I couldn’t think that way. They could not help their situation, and not every person in the world could be born wealthy.’
Duty was a constant reminder of how fortunate they were. 'Duty…I could go a thousand years and never miss the word.' It was an ugly word to Anne now. It was the reason why her beloved left; it is the curse that haunted her. She seemed to be filled with the lonely resentment that resembled this cold angry storm. The tempestuous light flashes and deep growl of dark shadowy clouds that invaded the once peaceful countryside, almost as if they were summoned by her broken soul. With every minute that passed the wild turbulence increased, just as her forlorn grief increased. Flashing of lights broke through the darkness and sliced a wound in sky. Anne felt the pain of each slash as if it was her heart that rested in the heavens.
She closed her eyes and welcomed the rain as it started to sprinkle on the window that her forehead rested against. The soft tapping sound soothed her thoughts and began to lull her into sleep. She fought the urge to close her eyes and drift off, knowing that once there he would be waiting for her, but she was fighting a losing battle. Her dreams only added to the knowledge that he was not here. They teased her with moment’s shared and possible futures yet to be shared. Anne knew when she woke in the morning, the ache in her heart would be more painful, the loneliness and the sadness more unbearable.
Anne’s only happiness was the little treasure that she knew would soon be here. Her only ray of light that enabled her to carry on, and it forced her to not give in to the longing to end her pain. 'If only the little one were here now to fill this void in my life and make this ceaseless waiting bearable.’ Anne reminded herself everyday that soon their small gift would be here, warm and comforting in her arms.
Clouds tumbled into her thoughts; they were grey clouds of thunder. ‘How did they get there?’ Storms brewed outside, but also in Anne’s thoughts tonight. With each drop that gently drummed on the window, her will to stay awake was defeated as she unknowingly drifted off to sleep. The clouds in her dream dissipated and she saw him standing by a lake. The water trickled from a nearby stream feeding the hungry lake. His smile shined in his eyes as he held out his hand for her. Anne walked in the mist that hovered over the ground covering the blades of grass. She walked towards him, but she never reached him. Anne tried to call his name, but no sound was heard. ‘Why did he not come to me?’ Anne stopped and stood there looking at him. Confusion set in as she watched him turn and walk into the lake. ‘NO! Don’t go! Come back to me, please!’
Clouds swarmed around again and enveloped her with their thick mist. Anne wandered endlessly in the cold grayness trying to find her way to him. She did not know where she was going, but she knew he was out there somewhere. As she searched, she could feel the moisture of the fog as it dampened her skin. She felt the cool wetness that surrounded her, as it tried to soothe the pain from within. The pain that was in her heart now seemed to try and take over her whole body. Scorching hot pain clawed at her from somewhere deep. ‘Screams? I can hear screams. Someone must be hurt, but who?’ Anne searched through the haze and tried to find the person. She could hear the screams getting louder with every step. She hoped she would soon find this poor person and help stop whatever was troubling them. ‘I must be almost there.’ Anne called out to them, but still no sound would come from her and so she started to cry from the frustration and the searing pain. She looked down at her hands and realized that she was bleeding. ‘Was I injured? I had to keep going.’ The screams were louder now and her pain was almost suffocating. ‘What was wrong? Why was this torturing me?’
Suddenly the fog lifted and began to dissolve before her eyes. Anne could now see a shadow nearby. The screams were coming from its direction. She turned to walk towards the unfortunate being, but her steps were slow and sluggish. ‘Just a little further.’ She willed herself to continue, knowing that if she stopped this poor sufferer would continue to scream. Minutes seemed like hours as Anne struggled to walk, but she finally reached the shadowy figure. She bent down to touch the shadow. She gasped loudly and jerked her hand back. The shadow turned towards her and Anne realized that this poor unfortunate person was…her.
Anne woke suddenly. The pain was still with her, and she was soaked with sweat. There was a noise of activity in the room as a servant helped her up and towards the bed. Confused by the intrusion of people into her bedchamber, Anne fought back. “What is going on?” She asked the young maid that helped her to the bed.
“We heard your screams my lady. It’s time. We have already sent someone to get the doctor.” Her tone was urgent and she spoke so fast it took a few moments to understand the meaning of her words. ‘Time? Time for what?’ Another shock of pain raged through her body. Anne cringed forward unable to move from the intensity of it. The crippling pain went on for what seemed like an eternity. Then as it gradually subsided, little by little, the realization of what the young maid was trying to tell her began to make sense. It was time.
Nights were the hardest for her. Anne could go through the tedious times of the day with a perfect front of being in control of the servants, the large manor she lived in and business affairs that needed to be dealt with. It was the dreaded night that she helplessly yielded to her sad solitude; for there were no distractions, no blessed problems to solve, no obstacle to occupy her thoughts. The silent torture was much worse in the quiet of the night.
Anne waited, unable to drown herself in sleep and the sweet dreams she used to have about him. The pain was almost unbearable as she waited for his return. Waiting was the worst of all human afflictions. She would whole heartily have taken on a difficult task as opposed to the waiting game. Anne wondered if he felt the same.
When would he return to her? Ever? ‘If this were reversed, would he also wait for me? Am I the only one who felt this helpless without the other? Maybe he would feel different in my place? I would hope not, but how do you find out that information? It was unfair for me to even think thoughts like that. I couldn’t know his mind any more than he could know mine. Maybe this was my own hell that God had decided to thrust upon me for the sake of learning patience. What horrible sin had I done in the past to cause such a lesson to be brought onto myself? Surely God had not looked down on me with such discontent to decide such fate for us.’
Anne would wait for him, because that was all she could do. ‘Someday’, she told herself, ‘I will feel him near me again. To feel his warmth, his touch, his love again he was my heart and my soul.’ She could still see his face in her memory and the sadness in his eyes as he said “Good bye” that last time. ‘I only pray that it was not for the last time. Fate could not be so cruel to take him from my side so soon, why would fate be so unfair? A few moments together were not enough and surely this was not the end of our story.’ Her heart felt so beaten and so battered and all she had was the memories to comfort her.
‘Please’, she prayed, 'if one of us was to die…please, let it be I. I cannot go on if he was not somewhere in this world. Please God, would you be merciful and take me first. He was my life and without him, I am nothing.’ Anne hoped that somehow her pleading would ensure his safe passage back to her side.
Emptiness enveloped her again as she looked out the cold window into the dark clouds and watched the faint flashing lights as they rolled through each grey cloud. Hearing the soft deep rumble of thunder, Anne shut her mind to any more thought and reveled in the soft vibrations that could be felt from the storm as it invaded the quietness of the night. She loved it when storms rolled through the countryside. When it stormed she could concentrate on something other than her empty life.
There were times when she would wonder to herself, ‘was it all just a figment of my imagination? Did he really exist? Maybe I was delirious and he never was a part of my life before. Maybe he was a dream that I couldn’t get out of my head?’
Anne chuckled inwardly at the thought of him being a dream. He was real; she had proof of that growing inside her. With every little flutter and kick, there was the blessed reminder that he was real. She knew her conscience was just trying to make excuses or justify this lonely state that she now found herself in. Anne needed him though. She needed him here with her just as much as she needed the air to breath. ‘Why? Why did he have to leave?’ She already knew the answer to that question though. It was his duty to go. But now it was her loneliness that didn’t see the reason so clearly. Her mind knew he did what must be done, but her heart cried out in sadness.
The tenants on their land depended upon them, and they were all struggling with the war going on just around the bend and the crops that failed this year. People talked of the new world and its opportunities. The temptation of this promising place was too much for him to fight. “I must go” he said, “I must see this new land for myself”. The new world was like a mistress beckoning him with her promise of riches, seducing him in a way that Anne could not compete. To Anne, this new world seemed more like a tempting demon weaving her spell over unsuspecting people with her promise of fortune. But Anne knew not of one single person that had lain in her bed and come back better from the transgression of going to her.
‘How could I just let him walk away? As soon as he was barely gone from sight, I was wishing him back to my side.’ Why did everyone else’s needs come before hers? Wasn’t she the most important person in his life? Anne knew their lot was not one to have the luxury of being able to put their personal lives ahead of the people who depended on them. ‘Why did being born into an affluent family automatically mean that you must put those less fortunate…NO, I couldn’t think that way. They could not help their situation, and not every person in the world could be born wealthy.’
Duty was a constant reminder of how fortunate they were. 'Duty…I could go a thousand years and never miss the word.' It was an ugly word to Anne now. It was the reason why her beloved left; it is the curse that haunted her. She seemed to be filled with the lonely resentment that resembled this cold angry storm. The tempestuous light flashes and deep growl of dark shadowy clouds that invaded the once peaceful countryside, almost as if they were summoned by her broken soul. With every minute that passed the wild turbulence increased, just as her forlorn grief increased. Flashing of lights broke through the darkness and sliced a wound in sky. Anne felt the pain of each slash as if it was her heart that rested in the heavens.
She closed her eyes and welcomed the rain as it started to sprinkle on the window that her forehead rested against. The soft tapping sound soothed her thoughts and began to lull her into sleep. She fought the urge to close her eyes and drift off, knowing that once there he would be waiting for her, but she was fighting a losing battle. Her dreams only added to the knowledge that he was not here. They teased her with moment’s shared and possible futures yet to be shared. Anne knew when she woke in the morning, the ache in her heart would be more painful, the loneliness and the sadness more unbearable.
Anne’s only happiness was the little treasure that she knew would soon be here. Her only ray of light that enabled her to carry on, and it forced her to not give in to the longing to end her pain. 'If only the little one were here now to fill this void in my life and make this ceaseless waiting bearable.’ Anne reminded herself everyday that soon their small gift would be here, warm and comforting in her arms.
Clouds tumbled into her thoughts; they were grey clouds of thunder. ‘How did they get there?’ Storms brewed outside, but also in Anne’s thoughts tonight. With each drop that gently drummed on the window, her will to stay awake was defeated as she unknowingly drifted off to sleep. The clouds in her dream dissipated and she saw him standing by a lake. The water trickled from a nearby stream feeding the hungry lake. His smile shined in his eyes as he held out his hand for her. Anne walked in the mist that hovered over the ground covering the blades of grass. She walked towards him, but she never reached him. Anne tried to call his name, but no sound was heard. ‘Why did he not come to me?’ Anne stopped and stood there looking at him. Confusion set in as she watched him turn and walk into the lake. ‘NO! Don’t go! Come back to me, please!’
Clouds swarmed around again and enveloped her with their thick mist. Anne wandered endlessly in the cold grayness trying to find her way to him. She did not know where she was going, but she knew he was out there somewhere. As she searched, she could feel the moisture of the fog as it dampened her skin. She felt the cool wetness that surrounded her, as it tried to soothe the pain from within. The pain that was in her heart now seemed to try and take over her whole body. Scorching hot pain clawed at her from somewhere deep. ‘Screams? I can hear screams. Someone must be hurt, but who?’ Anne searched through the haze and tried to find the person. She could hear the screams getting louder with every step. She hoped she would soon find this poor person and help stop whatever was troubling them. ‘I must be almost there.’ Anne called out to them, but still no sound would come from her and so she started to cry from the frustration and the searing pain. She looked down at her hands and realized that she was bleeding. ‘Was I injured? I had to keep going.’ The screams were louder now and her pain was almost suffocating. ‘What was wrong? Why was this torturing me?’
Suddenly the fog lifted and began to dissolve before her eyes. Anne could now see a shadow nearby. The screams were coming from its direction. She turned to walk towards the unfortunate being, but her steps were slow and sluggish. ‘Just a little further.’ She willed herself to continue, knowing that if she stopped this poor sufferer would continue to scream. Minutes seemed like hours as Anne struggled to walk, but she finally reached the shadowy figure. She bent down to touch the shadow. She gasped loudly and jerked her hand back. The shadow turned towards her and Anne realized that this poor unfortunate person was…her.
Anne woke suddenly. The pain was still with her, and she was soaked with sweat. There was a noise of activity in the room as a servant helped her up and towards the bed. Confused by the intrusion of people into her bedchamber, Anne fought back. “What is going on?” She asked the young maid that helped her to the bed.
“We heard your screams my lady. It’s time. We have already sent someone to get the doctor.” Her tone was urgent and she spoke so fast it took a few moments to understand the meaning of her words. ‘Time? Time for what?’ Another shock of pain raged through her body. Anne cringed forward unable to move from the intensity of it. The crippling pain went on for what seemed like an eternity. Then as it gradually subsided, little by little, the realization of what the young maid was trying to tell her began to make sense. It was time.
Comments